Slow Sex: What is it, how does it work and what are the benefits?
Slow sex is just boring, slow sex? Absolutely not! Behind the slightly misleading name lies a wonderland of eroticism, pleasure and intimacy for men and women. And even with erection problems and without erection you can have slow sex.
Curious now? Then have fun reading!
What is Slow Sex?
The term Slow Sex or in German "Langsamer Sex" is a bit misleading, because it is not only about having slow sex.
Slow sex is much more about consciously slowing down, letting the pressure to perform and the orgasm hunt fly out of the bedroom to make room for passionate pleasure and true intimacy.
Especially nowadays, everything always has to be faster, bigger and better, and this attitude quickly slips into the bedroom along with it. This pressure to perform can lead to men having erection problems, women no longer experiencing orgasms, and sex overall not being fulfilling.
Slow Sex is about feeling yourself, your body and your partner again and enjoying sex with or without orgasm.
What do you need for Slow Sex?
Basically you don't need anything except the will to try something new and (a lot of) time. Because that's what it's all about:
Taking your time for relaxed pleasure and intimacy.
For men, a condom is very helpful because it helps you last longer. Make sure that you have chosen the right condom size, so that you feel everything, the blood flow is not disturbed or that you do not always have to check whether it is still there.
Basically, you or your partner do not need an erection to enjoy slow sex.
How does Slow Sex work?
The most important thing first:
There is no right or wrong slow sex.
Before you start, you should make sure that you have turned off or removed all sources of interference. That means smartphones, alarm clocks, TVs, computers and preferably even the doorbell should be off. You can turn watches over, take them off or put them away.
Before you start, you should go to the bathroom, get something to drink, and have towels or cloths ready so you don't have to get up in between.
When you are ready, you can make yourselves comfortable. Undress each other or lie naked next to each other, start to relax and arrive. How you continue is up to you.
You can slowly explore your bodies with your fingers or lips, test what feels like and kiss each other for a long time. You can also slowly build up your arousal with gentle massages or while cuddling.
Try out new touches, leave the familiar paths, avoid the classic erogenous zones at the beginning before gently holding or stroking your partner's penis or vulva without much movement.
We recommend that you take about 30 to 60 minutes for this part.
If performance pressure and stress are the reasons for erection problems, this time may have already dissipated them. Even if you or your partner doesn't have an erection, you can continue with the next steps and the different positions to add variety to your play.
And even without an erection, the penis can be inserted if necessary. To do this, take it by the shaft with one hand and the glans with the other, while retracting the foreskin, if present. The penis is then inserted much like a soft tampon.
Otherwise, you can connect when you're ready or feel like it. We will tell you in a moment which positions are particularly suitable for slow sex.
Once you've connected, it's especially important that you don't fall into old patterns. Remember that it's all about feeling each other and increasing your arousal. For this, you don't need a (firm) erection and constant movement.
What is the best position for slow sex?
All sex positions that allow a lot of body contact, eye contact and romance are ideal:
- Missionary position
- Spoons position
- The dismayed angel
- The Zen pause
- The Lotus Flower
- Magic Mountain
We probably don't need to explain this position to you. Either the man or the women lies on top. This position is easy and can be held for hours without any effort. Kissing, caressing and all other tendernesses can be exchanged here.
In the spoon position, both of you lie on your sides. The man lies, slightly offset, from behind her buttocks and can thus connect with her. He is in the perfect position to caress her.
The dismayed angel
The dismayed angel is similar to the spooning position. The only difference is that both partners bend their legs and pull them towards the upper body.
The Zen pause
In the Zen pause, the man lies sideways on his back with one leg bent to turn slightly toward her. She also lies sideways, facing him, and puts one leg over him and his hip. This allows both of them to lie relaxed with plenty of room for tenderness.
The Lotus Flower
For the lotus flower you need a certain amount of mobility, but then it is a wonderfully intimate and soulful sex position. First, he sits down in a relaxed cross-legged position. She then wraps her legs around him as she slowly sits on top of him and connects with him. This way, both of you can enjoy each other's looks and touches, tightly embraced.
For this position you need a bunch of pillows and blankets. You will then pile these up so that she can lie on the pile with her upper body. The pile must be so tight that it doesn't collapse with the slightest movement. The man then lies on top of her from behind so that his upper body is on her back, thus connecting with her.
The result is similar to Doggy Style, but with more body contact and more comfortable placement.
How is normal sex different from slow sex?
Normal sex often focuses on orgasm. Everyone is supposed to climax as quickly as possible, as intensely as possible, and as often as possible.
Slow sex is all about the feeling, the intimacy and the tenderness. Orgasms are welcome, but not necessary to have a nice and satisfying time. Ingrained patterns and routines can be broken and new experiences can be had.
Isn't slow sex boring?
Whether slow sex is boring or not is up to the individual. It's best to test it out and see what it's like for you. However, many are very surprised by how intense and satisfying Slow Sex is, even if no one has had an orgasm.
Many are even more surprised because they experienced a climax even without penetration because the arousal from this type of sex has been so high.
Where does Slow Sex come from?
The term and practice of Slow Sex comes from sex therapist and author Diana Richardson. In her work, she has paired ancient Chinese and Indian philosophies with modern sexual science findings and written numerous books.
The book "Slow Sex - Finding Time for Love" is one of them. In this book, she shares exercises and illustrations that can help experience love, passion and fulfilling sex even into old age.
Conclusion about Slow Sex
When you test Slow Sex, you have the chance to transform your sex life and partnership and experience a fulfilling erotic adventure. It can be the chance to get closer to your partner than perhaps ever before. You can use it to break the eternal orgasm chase and experience true intimacy.
Want to learn more about what makes really good sex? Then read our article with 5 tips for a fulfilling sex life now!